We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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