I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
