You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
