you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
