I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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