Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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