The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
