If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
