Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my phone needs a breathalizer
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
