my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
