Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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