I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
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