They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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