She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
