I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
