The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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