During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
