It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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