hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
