He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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