She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
