This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
