Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
