Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
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I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
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it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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