I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
