hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
