so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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