i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
