We won't sleep together?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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