I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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