Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
