so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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