your room smells of hookers.
And success
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
