I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
