I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
