You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
