you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I pour the whiskey from now on
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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