Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
These tits shall not be calmed
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
