guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
