It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I am mentally ready for anal.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
