god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
