Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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