Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
