Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
