Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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