it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
