I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
