New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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