It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
