Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
