I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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