3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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