Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
