Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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