I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
