There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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