She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
