this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
