Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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