i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
