So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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