this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
