I'm really into asian looking animals
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
